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This is a work of fiction.*lt;/p*gt; Again my story involves a teenager with post-abuse trauma and with difficulties coping with a brain that works a little out of the ordinary. But it is also a story of love between young and not so young, between related and unrelated males. Love, with all its aspects, does not always like to stay within the boundaries of the volatile laws of any society. Love is the ultimate anarchist.*lt;/p*gt; Unfortunately, some laws will tell you you*quot;re breaking them by reading this kind of material. The choice is yours whether to stay or leave.*lt;/p*gt; It is my story, it belongs to me. Please don*quot;t steal from it.*lt;/p*gt; (And just to mention it, English is still not my first language, and therefore the possibility of faults and clumsiness lurks in the shadows.)*lt;/p*gt; Feedback? Yes, please: ota*lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; And remember to support Nifty. http://donate./donate.html*lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; Author*quot;s note: The love between a father and his son finds its solution in this last chapter. And with it, a new start. And maybe a cure. *lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; THE CRUSHING COLORS OF LOVE*lt;/p*gt; By Magnus Winter*lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; *
Part Nine: MAY YOUR DAYS BE MERRY AND BRIGHT
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**lt;/p*gt; Daniel leads his zombie son into the house. The hand in his feels like a withered bunch of celery, the naked feet move forward, but seem not to be connected to the body, the eyes look distant, blind. *lt;/p*gt; Once inside, he picks the boy up in his arms, carries him into his room and puts him carefully down on the unmade bed. Removes the jacket, hesitates a moment, then removes the boxer shorts. Covers the boy with the sheet and the comforter, tucks him in and sits down at the bedside.*lt;/p*gt; He studies his son*quot;s blank face while his heart bleeds. Examines every little detail, from the faint acne scars to the slightly open, unmoving lips, from the shadow of almost invisible hairs that have started to grow on his upper lip to the empty eyes, the grey and yellow and green speckled irises show no sign of anyone at home in there. He strokes his son*quot;s forehead and cheeks, softly and caringly, over and over. He bends down and kisses a cheek. Breathes in the smell: musk and acid sweat, the faint whiff of yesterdays deodorant, and suddenly the hopelessness of everything, his lack of power, his failure to protect his son pours down on him like heavy rain. But no, he can*quot;t let the gloom conquer him. Not now! David and he, they will rise again, they will not be defeated!*lt;/p*gt; He starts to speak, voce low and persistent, weighing every word, watching for reactions in those haunting but dulled eyes, painfully aware that one false step may ruin whatever little is left to ruin.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;David, my boy. My little, beautiful boy. I have no idea what pain and what sufferings you*quot;ve been through, and I know there are some tough times to come now, but I will be there with you, all the way. I will not let you go through this alone anymore. None of it.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; He keeps caressing the boy*quot;s face, his strokes light as feathers. *lt;/p*gt; *quot;Please, David. Open up to me. Come back to me. I love you so much, David, but I want to understand, I need to know what I can do to help you. Please, David, let me in.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; The boy lies still, staring at nothing, only his chest moves almost imperceptibly up and down. Daniels despair grows like weeds in him. *lt;/p*gt; *quot;David, hear me! See me! I love you, David, don*quot;t you know that?*quot;*lt;/p*gt; A tear escapes his eye, drops down and hits the boy*quot;s cheekbone. His eyelids move, there*quot;s a flicker of light, a glimpse of life in those blind eyes as they suddenly stare into Daniels face, but the expression in them sends shivers down Daniel*quot;s spine.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;No.*quot; *lt;/p*gt; David*quot;s voice comes out very clear, very firm. Suddenly he pushes his father away and sits up, his whole being a barrier of defense.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;You don*quot;t need me. You need him.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; It feels like a punch in the face. Daniel is dumbstruck, words fail to come to him. He swallows hard, desperately trying to get on top of the situation. David flops down, turns from him and pulls the covers up over his head.*lt;/p*gt; Daniel just sits there, bereft of power, completely incapacitated. Tries hard to perceive what*quot;s been going on in his son*quot;s mind. There must be something deeper behind this, it can*quot;t be just the fit of jealousy it sounds like. And words come back to him, sentences spoken by Doctor Miller, cryptic riddles spoken by his son, all adds up to the one thing he has wanted to escape, the very chore of those feelings he has fought and tried to conquer. *lt;/p*gt; He breaks into a cold sweat. He can*quot;t stay any longer, he has to get his thoughts and his emotions together, get his head straight.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;I*quot;m not giving up on you, David. I just need to fix something. I*quot;ll be back in a minute*quot;, he whispers to the heap under the covers, his hand rocking what seems to be a shoulder.*lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; It takes more than a minute. He calls his office, tells his secretary his son*quot;s had an accident so he won*quot;t be in for the next few days. Calls David*quot;s school and tells them the same fib. And then he thinks. Thinks as thoroughly and unbiased and calmly as he is able to. And in the end he knows what he needs to do. *lt;/p*gt; The certainty that he feels, the understanding that lights up his mind, and the struggle he gives up, the sum of it all suddenly breaks him down and he weeps. Sits quietly in his chair and lets the ocean of pent up emotions just stream out of him. And it*quot;s honest. And it*quot;s frightening. And it*quot;s a relief.*lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; *quot;You have not been to school. Why?*quot;*lt;/p*gt; His father looks cold and stern. His thick accent and meticulous pronunciation makes the statement feel ominous. Max averts his eyes.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Cuz I don*quot;t feel well*quot;, he mutters.*lt;/p*gt; His father takes a couple of steps into the room, closes the door behind him. His hands open and close, almost as if he*quot;s getting ready for a fist-fight. Max backs away from him.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;I don*quot;t think this new friend is good for you*quot;, his father continues. *quot;You will not spend more time with him. I will not allow it.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; Chills crawl over Max*quot;s body. *quot;Not fair!*quot; he shouts.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;He is bad influence. Your sister has told me about him. You will not go to his house again.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Bullshit!*quot; Max cries. *quot;She knows nothing about him! She*quot;s just a jealous bitch!*quot;*lt;/p*gt; His father comes threateningly close.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;You will not speak such words about your sister! And you will do as I say. I will not have my son turn into a woman.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; Max can*quot;t believe his ears. Panic soars through him.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;It*quot;s a lie! It*quot;s not like that!*quot; he screams. *quot;Fuck her! Fuck you!*quot;*lt;/p*gt; His father slaps him across the mouth. Hard. *quot;Enough!*quot;*lt;/p*gt; Max glares at him, rubs his mouth. He wants to hit his father back, wants to hurt him, wants him to go to hell. Hatred burns in his whole body.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;There*quot;s a law in this country that says you can*quot;t hit kids*quot;, he snarls. *quot;I*quot;ll tell everyone about you!*quot;*lt;/p*gt; He pushes his father to get away from him, but his father is a heavy man, not easy to get off balance. He grabs both his son*quot;s wrists and holds them like a vise. Max screams into his face, wrenches his hands loose and runs for the door. Throws it open and turns around.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Just go ahead and believe her! It totally fucking serves you right if you vomit from thinking I suck cock and fuck ass, cuz you never showed me any love anyway!*quot; he yells and storms out. *lt;/p*gt; Grabs his coat and his boots on the way out, looks quickly back at his gaping and shocked mother who*quot;s overheard all that was said, gets out of the house and runs through the drizzle until he*quot;s past the corner. Out of sight, he stops and puts his wet socked feet in his boots, puts on his coat. And heads for the town center.*lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; David is aware that his father is coming tip-toing back to his bed. He shrouds himself as best he can in a protective mantle of untouchability, izmit escort bayan wills himself to believe that nothing can hurt him if he stays in this black hole, it*quot;s where his brain wants him to be, it*quot;s where he doesn*quot;t have to fight off anything, just let every bad color and every sharp and ragged shape fill him and preferably drown him. And eventually his father will give up and leave him alone. To perish into oblivion and to end all this futile struggle and all those stupid hopes that*quot;s never going to get him anywhere.*lt;/p*gt; He wants to shut his ears to the words that start to float over him, but they seep into his brain no matter how much he tries to keep them out.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;I need to clear away a misconception, David. You said I do not need you, that I need him, I suppose you mean Max. You got that wrong. So wrong. Oh, I know I*quot;m not immune to his ... his charm, and neither are you, but listen: I do not need him. I do not want him. I do not love him. He*quot;s just a boy who wants to be appreciated, he*quot;s a boy who needs the physical contact he has missed at home. And that*quot;s all I*quot;ve given him, even though it*quot;s obvious he thinks he wants more than a pat on the shoulder and a hug. But I can not give him the love he so desperately tries to find, the love I*quot;m afraid he tries to manipulate me, or you, to give. Because all my love, David, belongs to you.*quot; *lt;/p*gt; Oh, please don*quot;t, his brain spells out through the orange fog, don*quot;t pull me up just to drop me down again. We both know I can*quot;t be loved. Just give up trying. I know they*quot;ve won. *lt;/p*gt; *quot;They weren*quot;t there*quot;, he suddenly says out loud from under the covers. *quot;So I couldn*quot;t get at them.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; Daniel is alert, all senses sharpened.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Tell me*quot;, he says. *quot;Please trust me and tell me and let us find a way out of this godawful bog together.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; David mumbles something. Daniel pulls the covers off his face, touches his cheek.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Look at me, David. Please.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; *quot;No! I*quot;m ugly! I*quot;m soiled! I*quot;m filthy and I*quot;ll never be clean. You must have a clean boy. It*quot;s not me.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; Daniel feels his head explode.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Oh, I can*quot;t stand this!*quot; he exclaims and grabs his son, pulls him roughly up and into his arms, and without reserve kisses the boy*quot;s lips deeply, intensely.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;I*quot;ll clean you. I*quot;ll take away all the dirt.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; The boy is losing it. His breath comes wildly snorting through his nose, his body starts to shiver, his chest heaves. And the sobs take over, tearing his body apart, he howls against his father*quot;s neck, he claws at his father*quot;s arms and his bandage comes loose.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;I was in the horse!*quot; he cries. *quot;And I came out to kill, but the enemy was gone! How can I ever get anything back?*quot;*lt;/p*gt; Daniel holds the spastic boy, holds him hard and close, cheek to wet cheek, shirt to naked chest. Body heat to shivering skin.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;If I can, I*quot;ll give everything back to you. All you want, all you need. Do you hear me?*quot;*lt;/p*gt; Sobs still rippling through his body, David tears at his fathers shirt, rips out two buttons and buries his nose against the warm skin. *lt;/p*gt; *quot;This*quot;, he moans. *quot;You.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; I never thought I could tremble as much as this, Daniel thinks as he starts to unbutton his shirt. This is so wrong in the eyes of the world, but how can I deny us this? It is what we both need, what we both want. So how can it not be good?*lt;/p*gt; His shirt is on the floor, they*quot;re skin to skin now, upper bodies stuck together, hands slowly caressing, slowly exploring, both shivering like aspen leaves. An occasional sob still jerks David*quot;s body.*lt;/p*gt; Daniel pushes the boy gently down on the bed, kissing his way now, from the throat to the chest, finds those pink nipples and teases them hard with the tip of his tongue. Lifts the boy*quot;s arms above his head, buries his face in the open armpit. Hears the sharp intake of breath as his tongue tickles the almost hairless skin.*lt;/p*gt; The sheets still cover David*quot;s lower body, now he sweeps them away and sits up to watch his son, seeing him with all senses open, all feelings unraveled and truthful.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;You*quot;, he whispers, *quot;are the most beautiful creature God ever made.*quot; *lt;/p*gt; And he means it. The pale, sleek skin, the wide shoulders and the narrow waist, the pronounced V where his legs meet his torso, the slim cock that arches up and lifts from the flat belly, the beginning of a chest definition and the developing muscles of his arms, everything so perfectly proportioned, so right in every way. His hungry eyes come to rest upon his son*quot;s face, on his lips that he has just tasted and wants to taste again. His son*quot;s beauty tears his heart to pieces, opens the most vulnerable depths of his soul, makes him want to throw away all earthly limitations. And surrender. And cry.*lt;/p*gt; David stares, eyes wide open, at his father, a small whimper escapes his lips as his arms pull his father down to cover him, needing to feel skin, needing to be lost in their closeness, wanting to shy away from the scrutiny, not able to believe his father*quot;s words.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Don*quot;t look at me*quot;, he pleads. *quot;Just hold me.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; Max is still angry and fuming as he wanders along the quayside. Fuck his father! Fuck his sister! The hell they*quot;re going to destroy that haven of joy and excitement he has discovered at David*quot;s house! Never! Fuck them!*lt;/p*gt; But there*quot;s a jarring element at the back of his thoughts: David. Why did he run away? Was it his fault? Did David feel bad about his eagerness to play with their dicks and the ... frotting, he seems to remember it*quot;s called?. But he had seemed to like it almost as much as he does himself? *lt;/p*gt; But David is so strange. He never knows what goes on in that boy*quot;s head, he can be so ... fucking weird. And how can he be so nice and so ... warm ... and almost as sexy as his father ... and so scary at the same time? Why can*quot;t he be just ordinary? *lt;/p*gt; He*quot;s deep in thought, standing by the mooring bollards looking down into the dark green ripples that lick the pier posts.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Hey, shitface!*quot;*lt;/p*gt; The harsh voice penetrates his brooding. Apprehensions creep up along his spine. Ignore them, he tells himself. Don*quot;t let them see they scare you.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Whazzup, shitskin? Homesick? Africa*quot;s that way!*quot; Laughter.*lt;/p*gt; He thinks he recognizes those voices. He turns to make sure. Oh yes, it*quot;s them.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Leave me alone. Please*quot;, he begs uneasily. *lt;/p*gt; The three boys look at each other, then at him. The larger of them, the blond guy with the pink face, the one who received David*quot;s headbutt that time, takes one step closer.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Leave me alone!*quot; he mocks. *quot;You had me expelled, you nig-nog fucker! Fat chance I*quot;ll leave ya alone!*quot;*lt;/p*gt; He comes even closer and snaps his fingers under Max*quot;s nose. Twice. Max averts his face, turns to walk off. A fist hits him between his shoulder blades, not really hard, but threatening nevertheless. He has to get away from them fast.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Where do you think you*quot;re goin*quot;? Did I say you could leave?*quot;*lt;/p*gt; Max starts to run, but he*quot;s not quick enough. A boot kicks him right at the back of his knee, it gives out and buckles. He stumbles, dangerously close to the edge of the pier, and the guy is immediately at him. A fist plows into his diaphragm, hard this time, he topples over and falls. His hip is knocked against a bollard on the way down, he tries to grab it, but his hands slip and a second later he hits the icy water. His brain goes white with fear as the water closes above his head, panic surges through him and paralyzes him as he sinks.*lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; Daniel loosens his sons clutching arms from his back.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Come with me.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; He grips the boy*quot;s wrists and raises him from the bed. Takes his hand and leads him to the bathroom. Turns the shower on, removes the ribbons of gauze from his son*quot;s hand, the stiches are there, but there*quot;s no bleeding. He pushes David under the spray and turns to strip off his pants. *lt;/p*gt; He steps izmit eve gelen escort in behind his son, marveling at the unblemished and hairless backside, the faint summer glow still contrasts the milky white buttocks, those perfectly shaped hemispheres. He fills his sight and his mind with the wonder of the young body, his forebodings that for so long have denied him to revel in this beauty are forever gone.*lt;/p*gt; His soapy hands slide over skin, follow the contours of the lovely body he has in front of him, feel every bump of spine, glide down slender thighs, explore the valley between two mounds of firm, silky flesh, move up and around to caress flat stomach and curved chest.*lt;/p*gt; He takes hold of his son*quot;s shoulders and spins him around. Pulls him close, feels the boy*quot;s hardness against his thigh and groin, feels the tremor and the push and the movement against his own rock hard cock. He holds the boy*quot;s face between his hands as the water cascades down over their heads, locks his lips to the boy*quot;s, lets his tongue wander, and shivers as those lips open and let him in. And the body pressed into him starts to jolt and jerk, and his cock and his balls are sprayed with his son*quot;s seed, and he has to grab the boy*quot;s waist and pull him even closer to prevent the panting and heaving body from sagging down.*lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; Max surfaces, gasping and spattering, arms splashing wildly about. The weight of his soaked clothes and boots threaten to pull him down again, panic starts to return. Then he sees two arms stretched out in front of him. *lt;/p*gt; He seizes on to them, claws and clings to them as he*quot;s hoisted up and dragged to the safety of the pier. He hears a voice muttering jeeezes and opens his eyes to stare into the face of one of the guys that just had accosted him. *lt;/p*gt; *quot;Shit*quot;, the voice goes on. *quot;Sorry about that.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; Max tries to speak, coughs, water sprays from his nose. Finally he finds his voice. *lt;/p*gt; *quot;You*quot;re one of them*quot;, he gasps. *quot;Why do you do this?*quot; *lt;/p*gt; The boy sighs. *quot;Don*quot;t be daft. You know why.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; Max is starting to get the worst kind of shivers. His teeth chatter, his breath whoops.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;No, I don*quot;t. What did I ... do to you guys ... to make you so mean?*quot; *lt;/p*gt; *quot;Shut it*quot;, the boy growls. *quot;I helped you out, didn*quot;t I? Now just fuck off.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; He scampers off, hurries to catch up with his mates. Max manages to pick himself up, shaking all over, feels sick to his stomach and starts to cry. From anger, from humiliation, from the cold. Oh God, what am I gonna do now?*lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; David is staring, openmouthed and breathless, into his father*quot;s face, so handsome his heart wants to jump out of his chest.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;I didn*quot;t mean to*quot;, he whispers. *quot;I couldn*quot;t help it. Sorry.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; *quot;You were beautiful*quot;, his father whispers back. *quot;You are beautiful. Don*quot;t ever be sorry for that.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; *quot;But I wanted this so bad and I wanted it to last.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; His father looks at him, love flowing from his eyes.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;What makes you think it*quot;s over?*quot; His voice is a soft caress. *quot;It only just began. If you want it to go on, it will.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; David leans his head against his father*quot;s shoulder. Breathing in, his whisper is barely audible: I love you ... *lt;/p*gt; *quot;I want to wash you now*quot;, he says, his voice now steady and clear. *lt;/p*gt; He soaps his father*quot;s chest, twirls the small patch of hair down the middle between his fingers. Follows the thin trail of hair down to the navel, feels the tight muscles of the stomach and the shallow groove leading down to the groin, back to the trail of hair from the navel that widens out on the way downwards.*lt;/p*gt; He kneels down. His body trembles as he soaps his father*quot;s pubic hair, slides his hand in behind the heavy balls and feels the string that runs along the perineum. His head fills up with a waterfall of incredible colors as he softly takes hold of the stiff cock in front of him. Bigger than his, as it should be, beautifully hard and silky soft at the same time. Unspeakable pleasure floats through his whole being as he holds the cock to his face, delights in its length along his cheek, holds the head against his eye socket and feels it throb. And a sound starts in his throat, a humming, a wordless song of enchantment and bliss.*lt;/p*gt; His rapture is broken by his father*quot;s hands gripping his upper arms and pulling him up, but his brain continues to dance in the sea of color and his throat continues to sing as his father*quot;s mouth covers his and their tongues roam and play together like happy and carefree twins. *lt;/p*gt; His father lifts him up, and still wet carries him into his bedroom. Lets him down in front of the bed, sits down and pulls him in between his legs. A dangerous bolt of orange lightning suddenly cuts through David*quot;s brain: This is just how I saw them, Max and him. He fights it off, clings to the man seated in front of him, and whimpers. *lt;/p*gt; *quot;Help me!*quot; he moans. *lt;/p*gt; His father strokes his back, kisses the navel in front of his face. *lt;/p*gt; *quot;Yes*quot;, he promises. *quot;Tell me how.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; There*quot;s a sudden urgency that comes over him. He steps out of his father*quot;s embrace, climbs into the bed and pulls his father after him, drags him down until they*quot;re tightly squeezed together. And words come tumbling out of him at the speed of light:*lt;/p*gt; *quot;The curtains were brown with red on them just like the coke-bottle in my hand and they petted me and told me I was pretty and took my clothes off and I believed them and I thought they were nice and exciting and then they weren*quot;t nice anymore and the woman said my dick was so small and she had this enormous cunt with black hairs all around it and it smelled wrong and everything started to get orange and red and then black and I wanted to puke but they wouldn*quot;t let me and my face was in her cunt and I thought I would suffocate so I think I maybe screamed ... and the man was there behind me and had taken his pants off and he held me very hard and I was so frightened I peed a little on the floor because I felt my thigh get warm and wet and he put his cock in me very hard and it felt like a knife and then I know I screamed because I have never felt pain like that and I was sure I was going to die but he wouldn*quot;t let up and the pain just grew and grew and I couldn*quot;t get away no matter how much I tried and he grunted like a pig and suddenly everything in my brain went blank and quiet ... but I heard him say thank you and that wasn*quot;t so bad, was it? and everything in my head spun round and round and they patted my hair and dressed me again and pretended it was fine but it wasn*quot;t. It wasn*quot;t ... it wasn*quot;t! And I wanted to hide and never let people see me but that was impossible and there*quot;s was only mum and she didn*quot;t seem to care at all that my name was now ugliness and dirt and everything was bloodred and black where the pink and the yellow should be and I had to trap it and kill it to make it go away but it didn*quot;t. Not ever! It all just got harder and sharper and more dangerous inside me and I knew no one could ever be nice to me anymore and I don*quot;t think I really knew until later but they had robbed me ... Stolen from me the only thing I knew I had that I could give and it wasn*quot;t mine to give anymore but taken away and crushed and spat on. And I realized much later that it was you I had wanted to give it to. Because always always always I wanted only to belong to you and now I couldn*quot;t.*quot; *lt;/p*gt; He draws his breath in almost like a gasping wheeze.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;And then I thought you wanted to be with Max instead of me and I knew he wanted that too and it was their fault and I knew I had to destroy them, not just anybody as I thought for a while, but them, and I was sure of what I had to do, it was like an epiphany so I went there but of course they weren*quot;t there now and then nothing was settled and I thought I would never ever get rid of them and that putrid stink would stick inside my bowels forever and I couldn*quot;t take it. I couldn*quot;t take izmit otele gelen escort it.*quot; *lt;/p*gt; He whispers again: *quot;I couldn*quot;t take it.*quot; And so he breaks down and sobs violently, bores his fingernails into his father*quot;s shoulder blades and wails in frustration and despair as he sees a tiny trickle of blood seep out of from one of the stitched wounds. *lt;/p*gt; His father rocks him gently, strokes his hair, kisses his neck, murmurs in his ear:*lt;/p*gt; *quot;I told you, David, I*quot;d take the dirt away if only I knew how. And even if I couldn*quot;t reach and clean out all the shit that*quot;s been poured on you, I would still love you to pieces.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; His whole being feels like an exhausted mass of contradictions: The total devotion and the exquisite elation to be here with the man he has loved for so long fight the devastating and ruinous feelings of stains and smut that still refuse to go away. *lt;/p*gt; *quot;Chase them away*quot;, he begs. *quot;Drive them out of me. Give me you instead.*quot; *lt;/p*gt; And as the words come out of him, he knows this is the only way, this is how he can be free. He reaches for his father*quot;s cock, limp now, smooth as satin, and lovelier that anything he ever held. *lt;/p*gt; *quot;This in me*quot;, he says. *quot;To expel them. To make me David again. Can you?*quot;*lt;/p*gt; His father gazes deeply into his eyes.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Not if the main purpose is to expel them, no. If you want me like that, it should be to make us both feel how much we love each other, not how much we hate them. And perhaps it*quot;s time that you knew just how much I love you, because I*quot;m no longer afraid of it myself. If you want me, I*quot;m yours. Simple as that.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; David clings to him.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Please, dad*quot;, he sighs. *quot;Please.*quot; *lt;/p*gt; *quot;Yes*quot;, his father says softly. *lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; It*quot;s like he will never be warm again. Freezing spasms chase through his body and his jaws close in cramps every other minute. His mother comes in carrying a steaming cup.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Darling Max, drink this.*quot; Her warm voice and Italian accent gives him a sense of security, of being home in spite of everything.*lt;/p*gt; Teeth chattering, he lifts himself up from under the covers, takes the cup with both hands, it almost burns his fingers. The smell of chocolate tickles his nostrils. He shudders again, takes a small, careful sip. He looks up, his big, brown eyes are filled with sadness and despair, they stab at his mother*quot;s heart like a thousand daggers. Her hand softly brushes his forehead.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Your father is sorry*quot;, she says. Just that.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;No, he*quot;s not*quot;, Max answers. *quot;He never does anything wrong. It*quot;s always everyone else.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Zita is sorry also*quot;, his mother continues. *quot;She talked. She lied. She cries now.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; Max closes his eyes, takes another sip and feels the heat sink down through his chest to his belly.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;I hate them. And those guys.*quot;*lt;/p*gt; She pats his cheek, very gently, like a nuzzle of summer wind.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Tesoro mio, do not hate. Hate destroys you more than them. And then, my little ragazzino, where will you be?*quot;*lt;/p*gt; He wants her to see. He needs someone on his side, the loneliness inside him feels like crushing him.*lt;/p*gt; *quot;What if they*quot;re right?*quot; he spits out. *quot;What if that*quot;s all I am, a shitty faggot nigger?*quot;*lt;/p*gt; *quot;Then I will love my little shitty faggot nigger*quot;, she smiles.*lt;/p*gt; He throws himself at her. She enfolds him in her arms, rocks him slowly. Her soothing smell and warm body envelops him, and by and by his heart finds some kind of peace, his cramps leave him and he falls asleep in her embrace. He never notices that his father stands in the open doorway watching them, shoulders sagging and head bent, sorrow and self-reproach eating his heart.*lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; David*quot;s body is surrendered and defenseless and tingling with anticipation. His breath is heavy and shaky as his father*quot;s lips gently kiss their way across his stomach to his groin, tickle his thigh so close, so very close to his balls, and now the tip of a tongue lightly touches the sensitive skin, there, just behind his testicles, moving slowly around, and he shudders with almost unbearable excitement.*lt;/p*gt; It*quot;s too much. He just can*quot;t lay there doing nothing, waiting, wanting. He moves away from the tongue that threatens to blow him into little pieces, crawls down under his father*quot;s body and finds his target. His lips close around the cock that waits there for him, rigid and throbbing, iron and silk, a taste he couldn*quot;t even have guessed at, a taste he knows he will crave forever. His brain overflows with beautiful colors, his throat wants to open and take all of his father into him, this is not a zucchini, flashes through his mind, this is him and I know I will not gag. And he doesn*quot;t. His father*quot;s gorgeous and so sorely longed for cock slides all the way into his mouth and his throat, and fills him with unfathomable bliss. And as from far away he hears his father moan.*lt;/p*gt; He holds still and just feels the hard flesh move on his tongue and against the roof of his mouth, slowly out, even more slowly in, like a whale sailing lazily through water.*lt;/p*gt; The sudden emptiness when his father groans and pulls his cock out, and sharp longing to have it back there ... he whimpers like a lost puppy. But his father changes their positions and lays him down on his back, takes hold of his ankles and lifts his legs up, wide apart, and a tongue licks the shaft of his cock once, twice, a mouth sucks his balls into a warm and moist cave. And there*quot;s a finger that circles his asshole, and now the tongue finds it, licks it, pushes at it, and it feels like he*quot;s going to explode. *lt;/p*gt; *quot;Daniel!*quot; he moans. *quot;Do it, Daniel!*quot;*lt;/p*gt; Yes, his father thinks, that is my name. His wets his fingers in his mouth, there*quot;s only a little resistance as his index finger slips in, goosebumps come and go in waves all over his skin as his son*quot;s opening slowly accommodates two fingers, to fingers deep inside, and he feels the contractions and hears the gasp when he finds that spot in there. His cock is leaking, he moistens the hole with his juices, a third finger goes in, no force is necessary, only care and time and love. *lt;/p*gt; His cock is so wet that half of it glides almost effortlessly in. He holds still, ready to stop and pull out at the smallest signal from his son*quot;s body. But there is no sharp movement, no defensive tightening, instead there are arms that pull his neck down and lips that open against his and suck his tongue into a warm and wet cavern, and his whole aching cock sinks into his son. *lt;/p*gt; And now his son*quot;s legs are crossed at the small of his back and hold him tight, his son*quot;s head moves from side to side, and he is suddenly gripped by fear. *lt;/p*gt; *quot;Am I hurting you, David?*quot;*lt;/p*gt; *quot;No!*quot; his son breathes. *quot;The burn ... it*quot;s sweet. It*quot;s right. It*quot;s mine!*quot;*lt;/p*gt; He feels his son*quot;s cock lift and twitch against his stomach, he let*quot;s more of his weight down and embraces his boy as he moves out and then in, long and unhurried movements, savoring the heat and the compression, until the grip around his cock suddenly tightens, the boy under him arches up against him and his cock is squeezed by rhythmic contractions and his son*quot;s cock pulsates as his semen shoots hard up between them, and then there*quot;s a long, shivering moan in his ear. It*quot;s too intense, it*quot;s too much, he sinks his cock in as deep as it goes and holds it there as the hairs at the back of his neck rise, his mouth opens but no sound comes out, his breathing is caught as his body trembles in pleasure stronger than he*quot;s ever known before, and all his liquid love gushes out of him and into the very depths of his son. *lt;/p*gt; And words come out of him along with his breath, like there*quot;s so much love and so much truth and so much fulfillment it can*quot;t be kept in: *lt;/p*gt; *quot;David. My David. My David ...*quot; *lt;/p*gt; *lt;/p*gt; The End*lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; *
My other stories on Nifty:
*quot;My Blood sings in Bendik*quot; fty//gay/incest/my-blood-sings-in-bendik/
*quot;The Sound of his Footsteps*quot; fty//gay/adult-youth/the-sound-of-his-footsteps/
*quot;The Tower and the Maze*quot; fty//gay/adult-youth/the-tower-and-the-maze.html *lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; *lt;/p*gt; *lt;/p*gt; *lt;/p*gt; *lt;/p*gt; *lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; *lt;/p*gt; *lt;/p*gt; *lt;/p*gt; *lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; **lt;/p*gt; *